


Breaking The News - Just a Little Bit of Love

by Rakshi



Series: You'll Be In My Heart [3]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-07
Updated: 2011-12-07
Packaged: 2017-10-27 01:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/290012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Telling the Fellowship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking The News - Just a Little Bit of Love

_I found the truth I found the way  
I'm standing in the light of day I've got the power  
I'm not worried any longer  
No I'm only getting stronger by the hour  
You can move a mountain  
Or calm the stormy sea  
There's no doubt about it  
I truly do believe_

 _Just a little bit of love's gonna turn it around  
A little bit of love can do it  
And just a little bit of love's gonna turn it  
Around, and around, and around_

 _Just a little bit of Love - Celine Dion_

  
Sean tried to ignore it. He didn’t like it. Didn’t like the way it felt inside him. So, yes, he tried to ignore it. But something this huge would not be denied simply because you refused to look at it or acknowledge it's presence. It lingered. And it was never far from the center of Sean's being.

He felt afraid. And the closer it came to the time when he and Elijah would be moving into the house in Malibu, the more he could feel the animal of his fear growing. Escalating. Clawing at him. Grasping at his heart, his breath. His peace.

He hadn’t said a word to Elijah. How do you tell a being so completely filled with joy that their very presence glowed with radiant light that the source of that light is groping blindly in bitter darkness? Elijah would have supported him completely. Given him anything he needed to help him through it. But the very fact that he needed help to get through it would have broken Elijah’s heart.

It wouldn’t take long though. In the past couple years Sean had discovered that there weren’t many things he knew for sure. But one thing he did know for sure was that Elijah had emotional instincts that were the equivalent of an eagle’s eye. The only reason he hadn’t spotted Sean’s mood so far was that they hadn’t seen that much of each other in the past few days.

Elijah had been out of town accepting an award, and Sean had been staying at the ‘other’ house spending time with Ally. He’d told Chris that he and Elijah were moving into a house in Malibu and her response was characteristically dignified and dry.

“Why are you telling me this?” She asked him. “You’re with him most of the time now anyway. So now you’ll be with him most of the time in a different place? I don’t see much real news here, Sean.”

Sean shrugged. “Just thought I should tell you. I’ll still be here anytime you or Ally need me.”

Now it was Chris’s turn to shrug. “I’m fine, Sean. I’ve found other support systems. Ally needs you, but once you get your own place you can take her there. No need for you to continue to hang out here.”

Sean was a little surprised at her reaction, but glad that she was moving forward and grateful that, apparently, she wasn’t harboring a lot of anger towards him. Still, it was all pretty sad. And even though he wouldn’t change anything that had happened, the sadness continued to haunt him.

Elijah would be home tonight and after that events were going to tumble into each other fairly quickly. A fellowship get-together was scheduled for tomorrow night at Orlando's place. Sean and Elijah had requested it and Orlando was happy to oblige.

Orli had no idea why they were all being gathered together, and he also didn't care. He knew it had to be something big though because Sean had made sure that Billy would be flying in and that Viggo and Ian would both be in town.

After the fellowship gathering, Sean and Elijah planned to talk to Peter about their plans. And shortly following that would be moving day.

Sean glanced at his watch. He was at Chris' house, packing books and a few other things in preparation for hauling them to Malibu. But it was getting close to the time when Elijah would be home and Sean wanted to be there when he arrived.

On the way out he stopped in the various rooms he passed through and looked around. He seldom did things like this because the sad feelings it created only made things worse. But today he felt compelled to assess his losses.

It all looked endearingly, heartbreakingly familiar to Sean. So much more familiar than the glowing golden walls of the Malibu house or even the more well-known chaos of Elijah's place. And with that familiarity came a sense of comfort and safety. 

"What's wrong with me?" he asked himself. "I wanted this move as much as Elijah. I'm the one who SUGGESTED it! Am I getting cold feet NOW?"

He sighed and wheeled on his heel. "This is nuts." Sean thought striding out the door and to his car. "I couldn't go back if I wanted to, and I don't want to!"

"Do I?" he thought, stopping dead in his tracks with his hand on the door of his car. "No!" he said aloud. "No, I do NOT want to go back!"

He suddenly felt an almost panic-stricken desire to see Elijah, and looked at his watch again. "An hour at least." Sean thought, pulling out into traffic and headed toward Elijah's, which was only a few miles away. He felt sure that being with Elijah again would settle him. Ease his troubled mind and heart. "Oh, Lijah." Sean thought, "God, baby, I need to be with you."

He pulled into the driveway and sprinted to the house. His mind was racing and he felt his body trembling just as frantically. Sean stopped in the living room and forced himself to sit down and take a few deep breaths, trying to center himself. Trying to calm his mind. "I can't see him like this. He'll spot it in a heartbeat." Sean thought.

He made up his mind that Elijah was not going to know a thing about his fears and doubts. Sean couldn't bear the thought of marring the purity of Elijah's joy. He'd been through enough. These were his golden moments and Sean was going to do everything in his power to see that Elijah was in heaven for every single one of them.

He went behind the bar and scoured the fridge until he found an unopened bottle of champagne. He tossed it into a bucket and doused it with ice. Then he grabbed two glasses. "We'll take these to bed with us." Sean thought with a grin. "He'll like that."

Thoughts of the bed moved him toward the bedroom. "If it looks like I think it does . . . " he thought. Sure enough. "Jeez," Sean thought. "Looks like someone fought a war here." Then he grinned. "Which, in a way, I guess they did." He tore everything off the bed, then went to fetch clean sheets and blankets.

He was almost done re-making the bed and cleaning the room up when he heard the front door open. His heart flew into his throat and he stood beside the bed, unable to move. 

"Sean! Where the hell are you?" Elijah's voice called, sounding highly irritated. “I got back a little early!” 

Unfreezing, Sean walked quickly into the living room and spotted him leaning over the bar with his head practically invisible reaching down to grabbing a Pepsi out of the cooler.

"Hey." Sean said softly. He walked toward him slowly, feeling as though he were walking through water. "What's wrong with me?" he thought.

"Hey, yourself." Elijah said, still scrabbling around trying to snag a pop. His voice was slightly muffled, head stuck halfway into the cooler. "Damn! Miserable night. Plane bounced me all over the god damn place. One of my bags missing. And now I can't find.. ah! Found one!" he came up with a Pepsi in his hand and a smile on his face.

Sean stared at him as if he'd never seen him before. Elijah was perched on a barstool. "Did you get anymore stuff packed?" he asked, swigging on the Pepsi and looking around. "Looks like it." He laughed. There were boxes sitting all over the living room.

  
He gestured at the boxes. "Oh, most of these were packed before you left." He sat on the stool next to Elijah. "You've been packing everything that's not nailed down. I. . . I . . . " his voice trailed off and Elijah looked at him sharply.

"I'm like a 5 year old being introduced to Santa Claus." Sean thought. He was tongue tied and bashful and this had never happened to him before, not with Elijah anyway. He had always teased Elijah when he got shy with Sean. Now Sean knew how he felt. Unable to speak, he couldn’t bear to meet Elijah's eyes. He felt sure he'd do something incredibly foolish if he raised his eyes and saw that wonderful face. He could feel himself trembling and it was getting hard to breathe.

"Sean?" Elijah said. "Is something wrong? You're acting funny." He reached out and pulled on Sean's arm, turning him so that they were facing each other. Elijah sat his pop down and grabbed both of Sean's wrists. "Are you mad at me?" he whispered in an anxious voice.

"God, no, baby." Sean whispered. "Why would I be mad at you?" He felt as though he was bursting with feelings that had been locked up inside him forever. "Is this because I feel afraid about the move?" he asked himself. He felt sure he would smother if he didn't touch Elijah soon. If he didn't feel him against his body. "Lijah." Sean whispered.

"Tell me." Elijah said quietly.

Sean leaned forward until their faces were touching. "Please hold me." Sean moaned softly. "God, I need you." He bit his lip hard to stifle a sob as Elijah's arms circled his waist and pulled him close. His arms were around Elijah's neck, face buried against his shoulder. 

"Sean." Elijah murmured, locking his arms behind Sean’s back, pulling him even tighter against his chest. "Jesus, sweetie, you're shaking all over. What's wrong?" Sean was enveloped in his arms and clinging to him. Elijah suddenly thought of all the times Sean had rocked him in his arms. Comforted him when he was frightened, or sad, or just wanted to feel loved and safe.

"Sean. Sean." Elijah crooned to him tenderly. "I'm here now. Shhh. Everything's alright, my Seanie." He ran his hands gently over Sean's back. Petting him. Turning his head to kiss Sean’s hair and nuzzle his cheek.

He held Elijah against him, barely able to breathe through the pressure in his chest and trembling in his body. But Elijah's gentle touches and whispers pierced the emotional turmoil he was feeling, and little by little he felt himself relaxing into Elijah's arms.

“What’s wrong?” Elijah whispered again. “Please tell me. You’re scaring me.”

“No, no.” Sean murmured against his ear. “Don’t be scared, baby. I just missed you. I’m just glad you’re home. That’s all.” 

“Did you talk to Chris?” Elijah asked softly. He wondered if that conversation had gone badly and upset him. It was so rare to see Sean like this!

“Yeah.” Sean said, leaning back. “It was fine. She basically said: ‘It’s old news.’” He started to back away from their embrace, feeling a bit embarrassed about coming apart the way he had, but Elijah wouldn't let him go. 

“Don’t.” Elijah pulled Sean against him, holding him tight. “Don’t go.” He still felt frightened by Sean’s reactions and looked up at him with wide eyes. “I know you’re not telling me everything.”

Sean thought about it a moment, then sighed. “Oh, I’ve been packing things at the other house.” He said, managing to meet Elijah's eyes and shaking his head ruefully. “I suppose it’s kind of sad. And then you being gone and all probably added to it.” He shrugged, feeling determined to keep any difficult feelings that remained to himself.

He could only hope that Elijah would believe his story. He had amazing radar, especially where Sean was concerned. "I don't know myself why I'm feeling this way so what could I tell him." Sean thought. 

Elijah’s eyes were skeptical but he released Sean and grabbed his pop again. “Tomorrow’s the party, huh?”

“Yeah.” Sean said, toying with his hair. “Billy gets here sometime in the afternoon. He’s heading straight to Orli’s.”

Elijah nodded and smiled at him and Sean felt the warm, solid, reality of his presence. A huge flood of relief washed through him and he smiled back. "Thank god he's here." Sean thought.

"You heard from anyone else?" Elijah asked him. He lazily ran a finger down the front of Sean’s sweat shirt. Then he leaned in and sniffed. “Mmm. You smell good.” He observed.

“You turning into a ring-wraith again?” Sean asked with a smile.

“No.” Elijah sighed, setting his pop on the bar. “Just playing.” He reached up and caressed Sean’s face with his fingertips. “Just wondering.”

“Wondering what?” Sean asked. Elijah’s fingers moved up and down the front of his sweatshirt. Then his hands crept underneath and moved slowly, teasingly against Sean’s sides and chest.

“Wondering how you’d smell after working around here all day.” Elijah said, caressing Sean’s chest with his fingertips. ”Wondering if you’d smell all sweaty and hot and sexy.” Sean slowly lowered his head until it was leaning against Elijah’s. He could feel his will slowly leaking away. Captivated. Spellbound. He surrendered to Elijah’s touch. To the hypnotic sound of his voice. 

“I was wondering,” Elijah breathed, looking up into Sean’s eyes, “if I’d get so turned on. . . “

He leaned up and kissed Sean softly. Lingeringly. Gently wetting Sean's mouth with his tongue.

“ . . . just smelling you . . .”

Kissed him again.

“. . . that I’d want to jump you right here. . . “

He was caught up and hungrily kissed by Sean.

“. . . here . . .”

He moaned as Sean’s tongue touched his and gently swirled around it.

“. . . here on this bar stool.” He whispered. Reaching down, he pressed hard against the zipper of Sean’s jeans with the flat of his hand and heard Sean’s breath catch, his fingers clenching tightly, grasping Elijah’s shirt.

“Just wondering, baby.” Elijah murmured, feeling the delicious ache raging through his veins and down, down, burning into his cock, wishing that Sean would touch him the same way.

He gently moved his fingers over the front of Sean’s jeans, over the warm, hardness underneath the cloth and groaned with pleasure at this sign of Sean’s need for him. He scratched his fingernails across the head of Sean’s cock and felt Sean’s knees buckle.

Even through the denim cloth, the desire that shocked it’s way through Sean’s body at the touch of Elijah’s fingernails rocked him with it’s ferocity. He whimpered helplessly, arching against Elijah’s hand.

“Seanie.” Elijah gasped. “Bed.” He pulled on Sean’s arm. “Seanie, come on. Sean!” Sean tried to grab him and kiss him, but Elijah jumped off the barstool and hauled Sean toward the bedroom.

Sean didn’t even slow down once they got there. He simply picked Elijah up and laid him gently down on the bed, following him down with his own body. Elijah’s arms were around his neck, clinging to him, and Sean heard him laugh for joy a split second before he caught that heavenly sound in his mouth.

And then they were grinding into each other. Trying to kiss but having to stop to inhale short, heated pants that only lasted them a moment before they were frantically losing their breath in each other once again.

Elijah finally broke their kiss with difficulty. "Wait, baby." He pulled Sean's head to his shoulder, hoping that they both could catch their breath. Sean moaned his name, still moving his body against Elijah's. "Sean. Sean." Elijah whispered. "Baby, please slow down." 

"Lijah." Sean whimpered. He took a deep breath and released it with a shudder, burying his face in Elijah's neck. He hadn't wanted to slow down. Hadn't wanted to stop. Usually it was he who suggested these momentary pauses to slow the pace. 

"I'm sorry, baby." He murmured to Elijah.

"For what?" Elijah said, laughing. "For getting hot when I was doing everything in my power to get you hot?"

Sean said nothing, but lifted his head and looked quietly into Elijah's eyes.

"I just thought," Elijah said, petting Sean's hair, "that the champagne I saw out there might be for us. And.. I thought this might be more fun without blue jeans. You know? What do you think?"

Sean smiled down on him. "I forgot all about that champagne! And you're right! I had meant for us to bring it back here and forgot all about it when . . . " he stopped and glanced down at Elijah's laughing face.

"When I got you so turned on that you almost came in the living room?" Elijah giggled.

"Something like that." Sean said, getting up. "I'll get the champagne. YOU get rid of THOSE!" He pointed at Elijah's blue jeans. 

"Yeah?" Elijah yelled after Sean, pulling clothes off as fast as he could, "and what about YOU?" He went to the CD player and after a moment threw on a CD. He carried the remote with him back to the bed.

Sean walked back into the bedroom, carrying the champagne and two glasses, stark naked. Evidently he had ditched his clothes in the living room. Elijah took one look at him and threw himself on the bed in hysterical laughter.

"You were saying?" Sean said with a wink, handing him a glass.

"Jesus, Astin." Elijah said, still laughing. "Sweet move! AND," he added sagely, "if you ever give up acting, you have a REAL career ahead of you as a naked waiter."

Sean poured the champagne for both of them and then pointed at Elijah with his glass. "Make a toast, Doodle."

Elijah thought a minute. "I'm not good at this kind of stuff." He said, shaking his head.

"To naked waiters?" Sean suggested.

Elijah threw him a look.

"To . . . to . . . naked ring bearers?" Sean kept going. "To coming in the living room? To coming in ANY room?"

"Stop!" Elijah said. Then he held up his glass. "To our new life together." He said shyly, clinking his glass against Sean's.

Sean lowered his eyes momentarily, then raised the glass to his lips and drank. After a moment he looked at the glass questioningly, then looked at Elijah, who was laughing so hard he couldn't speak. "Stuff tastes like shit." Sean observed, sitting his glass down and reaching to take Elijah's.

Elijah was too hysterical to answer. He was shrieking with laughter and rolling all over the bed. "Oh, Sean!" he choked. "You brought out the GOOD stuff this time, huh?" Then he fell apart again.

Sean scowled and flopped down on the bed beside Elijah. "YOU bought that stuff, Lijah." He said, laughing too. "All *I* did was open it! Bleck!"

In mid laugh, Elijah pulled Sean's head down and began to suck and nibble on his lower lip. Sean's breath slammed out of him so hard it nearly hurt. "Jesus." He thought. "Between one moment and the next he's on fire and has me on fire too."

They clung to each other, the feeling of naked skin moving softly against naked skin pushing them both nearly to the breaking point. "Sean." Elijah gasped. "Please, Seanie. Kiss me. Kiss me."

Sean consumed Elijah's mouth, as always feeling as though he could never get enough of it. He leaned over Elijah again, yearning to feel their bodies pressed together even more closely. He hesitated to press his full weight onto Elijah. "Am I too heavy for you?" Sean asked him gently. Elijah's answer was to pull him down until his full weight and entire length was pressed against Elijah's body.

"Mmmm." Sean moaned. From his chest to his toes he could feel Elijah's body and he was throbbing with desire. "God," he moaned, "you feel so good. So good. So good."

"So do you." Elijah breathed back at him. He lifted his hand for a second and Sean turned to see what he had done. "What was that?"

"Music." Elijah said.

Sean listened for a moment and then smiled:

We got the afternoon  
You got this room for two  
One thing I've left to do  
Discover me  
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of  
Your skin like porcelain  
One pair of candy lips and  
Your bubble gum tongue

He leaned down and kissed Elijah's lips. "One pair of candy lips and your bubble gum tongue." Sean whispered. He felt Elijah's smile under his lips and smiled back. Elijah knew this song reminded Sean of him and of their lovemaking. Playing it now was no coincidence.

Sean pushed Elijah's head back gently, exposing his throat, opening him to Sean's kisses. Sean murmured the words to the song against Elijah's skin, hearing him whimper in response. "And if you want love, we'll make it." Sean sang softly.

Swimming a deep sea  
Of blankets  
Take all your big plans  
And break 'em  
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland  
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)  
Your body Is a wonderland

His lips moved slowly over Elijah's throat and shoulder, tongue swirling in soft circles against the tender skin. Sean knew that being kissed here nearly drove Elijah mad and he planned to be awhile.

Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face  
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase  
You tell me where to go and  
Though I might leave to find it  
I'll never let your head hit the bed  
Without my hand behind it

you want love?  
We'll make it  
Swimming a deep sea  
Of blankets  
Take all your big plans  
And break 'em  
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland  
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)  
Your body Is a wonderland

"Sean." Elijah whimpered. His head was arched back and moving slowly from side to side. "Seanie. Oh, Seanie." He moaned. Sean's kisses were igniting fires through his whole body.

Damn baby  
You frustrate me  
I know you're mine all mine all mine  
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Your body Is a wonderland  
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)  
Your body Is a wonderland  
Your body is a wonderland

Sean moved to the other shoulder and trailed the same soft, wet kisses there. Hearing Elijah moaning his name was driving Sean wild. "Sweetie." He whimpered. "Lijah. Oh, baby, I love you. I love you so much."

"Sean." Elijah breathed, catching his face and kissing him passionately. "Oh, Seanie," Elijah moaned, "God, I want . . ." Elijah suddenly stopped, as if remembering himself.

"What?" Sean asked breathlessly, instantly alert. "What do you want, Lijah? Tell me."

Elijah shook his head.

No.

"But why?" Sean asked him.

Elijah shook his head and tried to look down. But Sean wouldn't let him. He lifted Elijah's face up into his and kissed him slowly, softly, deeply. He brushed Elijah's lips with his tongue. "Tell me." He breathed into Elijah's mouth. Kissed him again. "Tell me."

Elijah sobbed once and crushed Sean's mouth against his. "I want . . ." he said softly. Then stopped.

"Tell me." He whispered. "I have to know. Is it something that would give you pleasure?"

Elijah nodded.

"Then, god. . . You have to tell me. Please, baby." Sean was almost whimpering. Begging him. He had to know!

"Kiss me." Elijah whispered.

When Sean did, Elijah took a deep breath.

"I want. . ." Elijah breathed between kisses.

".. to feel. . ." Sean kissed him again.

" . . . you inside me." He finally whispered.

Sean froze for a moment and took a deep, shuddering breath. He looked down at Elijah but he had ducked his head and refused to meet Sean's eyes.

"Look at me." Sean said quietly.

Elijah shook his head again.

No.

Sean grabbed his head and forced it up, then he leaned down and kissed him with a fierce and passionate intensity. "Why are you hiding from me? What are you thinking? That I'm bothered by what you said?"

Elijah nodded. Sean's kisses had taken his breath away. They had somewhat stilled the fear that his admission had damaged the one thing on Earth that meant the most to him.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked Sean quietly.

"I SHOULD be!" Sean said. "For how you're acting NOW."

He smoothed Elijah's unsmoothable hair and kissed him again, far more gently. "I'm not bothered by what you said." He whispered. "Far from it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Are you sure that you really want that?" Sean asked him. "I want you to be sure."

Elijah nodded. "I'm sure." He said, still lowering his eyes.

Sean leaned down and pressed his mouth against Elijah's, eyes wide open and staring into his. "Are you sure?" he breathed into Elijah's open mouth, hearing him gasp with a huge intake of breath.

"I'm sure." Elijah moaned. "Oh, Sean. God, I'm sure."

He looked into Sean's eyes. "I want to feel you inside me." He moaned, eyes shiny with tears. "I've wanted it for a long time but was afraid to tell you. Thought you'd be . . . mad with me. Or disgusted."

Sean shook his head. "How could you THINK that?" He cradled Elijah in his arms, stroking his hair. Suddenly he raised his head and looked into Elijah's face.

"Do you remember,” Sean asked him gently, “the night you played that damn 'breathe on me' game with me? Drove me nuts?"

Elijah nodded. "I remember."

"You told me you liked being overpowered." Sean said softly. "And I almost came unglued."

"You were pretty passionate for awhile, but I wouldn't call you unglued."

Sean looked at him silently for a long moment. To Elijah, the intensity of his gaze was as erotic as any touch and he whimpered helplessly. “Sean. Please.”

"That's what I wanted that night." Sean said softly, leaning slowly toward Elijah’s lips.

"To be . . . inside me?" Elijah asked in the softest possible whisper, reaching up almost blindly to touch Sean’s face.

"To be inside you." Sean breathed against Elijah’s mouth. A piercing ache ripped through him when their lips touched, taking his breath and nearly shattering him on the spot. “Lijah.” He whimpered. His craving for Elijah was devastating. It would kill him if he didn’t make it stop. He looked down into Elijah’s eyes and saw that he was fighting to breathe. He moaned and pulled on Sean, arching up, wanting Sean on top of him.

Sean crushed him underneath his body, kissing him with a deep and rapturous fire. Elijah’s legs and arms wrapped around him, grinding Sean’s body against his. He felt his fingers digging into Sean’s back and the rational part of his mind knew he was leaving marks, but he was beyond control. Teeth clenched, he moaned incoherently. 

Climax came instantly to both of them. Their yearning for each other was unable to survive even one more moment. Sean felt sure he would disintegrate completely as his body heaved and writhed in rapture. He bit down hard on a scream of release but was unable to suppress the sob that tore from his throat when he heard Elijah’s voice moaning his name again and again.

For a very long time they clung frantically to each other, their bodies clenching again and again with electric shocks of bliss. After a long while, Sean tried to take his weight off Elijah’s body but Elijah cried out with such loss in his voice that Sean nearly burst into tears. “No. Oh, Sean, please, no. Please don’t leave me.” He still clung to Sean, arms and legs encircling him, his hands moving gently all over Sean’s back.

Sean buried his face against Elijah’s shoulder and tried to ease his breathing back to something approaching normal. He felt Elijah begin to quiet and stroked his hair gently, saying nothing. Slowly, Elijah’s legs unwound from around Sean’s body and his arms held Sean with tenderness rather than frenzy. Sean leaned back to look into his eyes. Elijah was biting his lip and looking near tears.

“You OK?” Sean asked him, leaning down to kiss him gently. Slowly he eased his weight off Elijah and pulled him into the curve of his arm.

“I guess so.” Elijah breathed, eyes lowered. “I’ve just never felt anything like that before, even with you.” He was fighting not to cry and Sean adored him for the struggling.

“Cry, sweetheart.” He murmured to him, pulling him close. “Cry if you want to. Sure won’t be the first time.”

He felt Elijah trembling and heard his breath catch, but he didn’t break into sobs. Looking down, Sean could see tears on his face, and when Elijah raised his head to look at Sean, his stunning eyes were shining. “God.” Sean breathed. “You are so completely wonderful. So beautiful. So perfect.” He lowered his face and kissed away his lover’s tears, feeling completely consumed by love for him.

“You’re mine.” Sean murmured to him. “Mine.”

He felt Elijah nod against his face. “Yours.” He whispered, breath still catching in his throat.

Sean hesitated, then leaned back and looked at Elijah for a long moment.

“What’s wrong?” Elijah asked him.

“I have to tell you something.” Sean said quietly. “And I don’t want you to get upset about it. I just have to tell you, that’s all.”

“What?”

Sean stroked his hair and looked into his eyes. “I’ve felt really scared the past couple weeks. Scared about moving into the house. Scared about all of it. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to take away from the joy you feel. But I can’t NOT tell you either.”

Elijah looked up at him quietly. “Is there more?” he asked gently.

“No, not really.” Sean said. “It just suddenly seemed so wrong not to tell you.”

“Have you changed your mind?” Elijah asked calmly. 

“No.” Sean said solidly. “Absolutely, positively NO.”

Elijah put both hands over his face. He didn’t cry, but he was trembling so violently that Sean was frightened. 

“Lijah!” Sean pulled on his hands. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry.” He succeeded in pulling Elijah’s hands down but his face looked so stricken that Sean was momentarily sorry he’d done so. He drew Elijah into his arms and held him close. “It’s OK, sweetie.” He said, petting him gently. “Please don’t be upset. I never had any thoughts of changing my mind. I’ve just felt scared.” 

Elijah clung to him. “Sean.” he whispered. “Oh, Sean” His trembling slowly eased but he refused to let Sean go, pressing his head against Sean’s shoulder, clinging to him.

Sean held him close, stroking his hair and body, whispering reassuring words until he felt Elijah’s death grip on him relax and his breathing become regular. “God, I hope telling him was the right thing to do.” Sean thought. He pressed his lips against Elijah’s hair, and then, snuggling him close, drifted off to sleep. 

When Sean woke up the next morning the bed next to him was empty. He didn’t remember Elijah getting up and it rather worried him. He threw on a pair of sweats and walked into the living room.

Elijah was drinking coffee, sitting on the same barstool he’d been perched on last night. He pointed to the door where a black duffel bag was sitting. “They found my bag.” He told Sean with a smile.

“Is that why you got up?” Sean asked him. “You heard them at the door?”

Elijah nodded. “Well, actually, I was already awake.” He shrugged and nodded at the coffee maker. “Want some?” Sean nodded and Elijah poured coffee into his “Pervy Hobbit Fancier’ mug. Sean refused to drink out of anything else.

“You all ready for your party?” Sean asked him, sipping.

“Isn’t it your party too?” Elijah asked, watching him carefully.

Sean sighed. “Lijah, please believe me, the fact that I’ve felt a bit scared doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind.”

Elijah looked at him steadily. “You’ve been asking me all along if I was sure I wanted this. Maybe the one you should have been asking is yourself.” Elijah sipped his coffee, watching Sean’s reactions. “Or,” he said softly, “maybe I should have been asking YOU if you were sure.”

Sean looked into his eyes. “Then ask me.”

Elijah sat his coffee mug down and put both hands on Sean’s shoulders. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Sean leaned forward and kissed him. “Yes. I’m as sure of that as I am of the fact that I want to go on breathing.”

He shook his head. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything to you.” He murmured. “But after last night . . . and how it was . . .” he looked up at Elijah whose eyes had gone all soft and shiny. “and the things we talked about. . . it just seemed wrong to keep ANYTHING from you.”

“I have a question.” Elijah said, shaking Sean’s shoulders.

“OK. But would you let me know when you’re done shaking me so I can drink my coffee again?” He asked with a grin, holding his coffee mug out over the bar so it wouldn’t drip on him.

Elijah removed his hands and laughed. “Done.”

“OK.” Sean said. “Your question.”

“Why didn’t you?” Elijah asked softly. “Why didn’t WE?”

“Why didn’t we what?” Sean asked, looking puzzled.

“What we talked about last night.” Elijah said, lowering his eyes.

It was the lowered eyes that finally dropped the penny for Sean. “Oh!” he said. “Oh. Yeah.” He shook his head and tipped Elijah’s face up to look at him. “Because,” he said staring straight into Elijah’s blue eyes, “we didn’t have the things we needed to do it. Or at least to do it . . . uh . . . comfortably.”

“Oh.” Elijah said slowly. “I guess you’re right, but . . .” he shrugged. “Couldn’t we have. . . uh . . . improvised?”

"NO!” Sean said vehemently. “I don't want . . ." Sean said, and then stopped.

"What?" Elijah said. "You don't want WHAT?'

"I don't want to hurt you." Sean said. “And I won’t hurt you.” He looked at Elijah. “So, no. We’ve waited this long. Can’t we wait another night or two?”

Elijah thought a moment. “Sean, lets save it for the first night in our own home.” He smiled slowly up at Sean. “Does that sound OK?”

Sean pulled him off his barstool into his arms. “That,” Sean said gently, “sounds like pure heaven.”

Elijah glanced at his watch and leaned away from Sean’s embrace. “I have to go.” He kissed Sean who was standing there looking rather stunned.

“Where you going?” he asked, his voice surprised and rather sad.

Elijah laughed. “I told you last night I had to do ‘Try Seventeen’ voiceovers today.”

“Actually,” Sean said quietly, “you never mentioned it.” He smiled. “But if you have to go, you have to go. Will you be home before the party starts?”

“Shit!” Elijah spouted. “I’m sorry, baby. Guess I got caught up in what we were doing.” He winked at Sean. “Yeah. I’ll be home in 4 or 5 hours. What you gonna do today?”

“Well,” Sean said winking back, ‘now that you’re not going to be here, I’ll probably keep packing.”

“And what would you have done if I had been here?” Elijah asked shrewdly, pulling Sean close to him.

“Grrrrrrr!” Sean growled against his ear. “I’ll let you guess.”

Elijah laughed and waved at him as he walked toward the door.

Sean spent most of the day packing, and by the time Elijah returned he felt pretty satisfied. The only things left unpacked that were actually going to the Malibu house were some clothes and a few odds and ends that they’d grab on moving day. The house actually had a rather abandoned look now. There was a vague echo when you talked, and Sean felt irrationally sad for it. He’d been happy here, and he felt as though they were leaving an old friend.

Elijah had no such feelings of regret! “GOD, I’ll be glad to leave this place!” he spouted, scooping up the clothes he planned to wear to the party.

“Why?” Sean asked. “It’s a nice place.”

Elijah made a face. “Malibu is nicer.” He said, turning toward the shower. “This place is only one small notch above living at my mom’s. I’m ready to move on.” He turned back to Sean and beckoned with a crooked finger, clearly saying: “Come to the shower with me.” But Sean shook his head, smiling at him. “Not today, baby. I have some things to do yet.”

Elijah scowled. “Bah! You’re no fun!”

When Elijah returned to the bedroom, Sean was no where in sight. He found him sitting in the living room, writing on boxes, identifying their contents.

“What the heck you doing?” He yelped at Sean. “We have to get going!”

“Yeah, I know.” Sean said. “Tell you what. I still have a couple things to do. You take your car and go ahead. I’ll be right behind you. Half hour at the most.”

Elijah looked at him suspiciously. “What are you up to, Astin?”

Sean smiled at him. “Go to Orli’s. I’ll be right behind you.” He stood up and shoved him gently toward the door. “Go.” Elijah turned and kissed him. “You’re not fooling me, you know. I know you’re up to something.” He sighed and headed for his car, leaving Sean standing there smiling.

By the time Elijah got to Orlando’s house, several members of the fellowship were already there. Billy had flown in only that afternoon and was carrying on about his flight and the people on it, charming Dom and Orlando right out of their socks. Just the sound of his voice was enough to melt the heart of tougher guys than the ones gathering here, and Billy was in top form. Dom and Orlando both gazed at him devotedly. It was pure heaven to have Billy near them again.

They spotted Elijah in the foyer and all three of them ran over to embrace him. Elijah saved a special hug for Billy. “I’ve missed you, man.” He said sadly. “You’re too far away.”

“Not tonight, Lijah.” He chirped, smiling that sweet smile. He looked behind Elijah. “Where’s Sean?” He asked, a disappointed look on his face.

“Oh, he’ll be here.” Elijah assured him. He perched on the floor and reached for the beer that Orlando was offering. “He’s up to something.” Elijah said to them. “He made me come ahead. I have no clue what kind of fucking game he’s playing.” He shook his head.

“Well none of us have a clue what kind of game playing you’re BOTH pulling.” Orlando said. “What’s all this about?”

Elijah exchanged a glance with Dom, who knew their plans. “You’ll find out when Sean gets here.” Elijah told them. “Besides, Viggo and Ian aren’t here yet.”

“Well, Viggo is.” Billy said, jumping up and running to hug him. Elijah followed suit.

“Hi, Vigs.” He murmured.

“Hi, little Hobbit.” Viggo said in that extraordinary voice. “What’s this about?”

“We can’t know.” Billy said. “We have to wait for his better half to get here before they’ll tell us.”

“His ‘bitter’ half?” Dom quoted, teasing Billy’s accent. As they laughed, the door opened to admit Ian.

As always, Elijah felt humbled in the presence of the great actor, in spite of the fact that he now considered Ian a close, personal friend. He accepted a big hug and waited for the inevitable ‘Where’s Sean’ question. But it didn’t come.

“Elijah,” Ian said happily. “I’m so glad to see you! How have you been, my friend?”

Elijah had opened his mouth to reply when he heard a huge laugh from Dom. “Oh my god!” he said. “I don’t fucking believe it.”

Elijah turned to see Sean standing there wearing . . . Oh my god . . . the ‘HUG PUPPY’ outfit! Elijah flew out of Ian’s embrace and leaped into Sean’s arms.

“You did this for me!” Elijah cried ecstatically. “That’s why you sent me away! You were going to put this on for me!”

“Nah.” Sean said, holding him close and laughing. “It just happened to be the only thing in the closet.” Elijah worshiped Sean with his eyes. To Elijah he looked every bit as adorable as he had the first time he’d seen Sean dressed like this so long ago in New Zealand. He even had that same baseball cap on. This outfit was very special to both of them. And Sean had worn it for him tonight.

Elijah looked up at him and fought off tears. “Thank you.” He whispered softly. Sean held him close again, than released him to grab Billy in a huge bear hug. “That’s his favorite outfit?” Billy asked.

“Yeah.” Sean said with a twinkle in his eye. “He has taste for shit but he so great in bed that I overlook it.”

“Well, lucky YOU!” Billy said, hugging him tight and laughing.

There were hugs all around. Wine for Viggo and Ian . . . though Viggo did ask for a beer later on. Sean just wanted ice water. Dom had a mixed drink, as did Billy. They started playing with the ice Orlando had placed into an ice bucket on the bar, trying to shove cubes down each other's shirts.

Orlando was working hard at playing host. When he wasn’t eye-balling Viggo, he hovered over his guests making sure everyone was happy. Viggo finally sighed and reached up to grab him. “Jesus,” he growled. “Would you stop nancing about and sit down? They know where the beer is.” He pulled Orlando down onto the couch beside him and, smiling, offered him a drink from his wine glass.

Elijah watched them and gave a delighted laugh.

Hearing his laugh Orlando looked up, smiling his lazy smile. He leaned toward Elijah and mouthed: ‘Still the prettiest.’ before turning back to Viggo.

Elijah laughed again.

Sean and Ian were in deep, quiet conversation, and Elijah would have given a lot to know what was being said. He looked at Sean, and sighed happily. He knew that sweater had been hanging in the closet. He’d worn it himself not that long ago. But the pants and the hat? Where had he ever found them?

Dom and Billy were engrossed in conversation, their heads practically touching as they talked. “Wonder if they’ll be next?” Elijah thought.

Sean suddenly dropped down beside him on the floor. “Hi, Doodle.” He breathed into Elijah’s ear. Elijah grinned at him and threw his arms around his neck. “Kiss me.” Elijah whispered. “Please.”

Sean wasn’t much for public demonstrations and Elijah knew it. He eyed Elijah for a long moment, then leaned down and kissed him gently. Dom let out a hoot, Elijah laughed out loud, and Sean rolled his eyes and scowled.

“Why don’t you tell them?” he whispered to Elijah.

“Did you tell Ian?” Elijah asked.

“No. Not about the house and all. He already knows about us.” He shrugged. “They all do.”

“Is that why I got the kiss?” Elijah laughed.

“No.” Sean said, grinning at him. “You got the kiss because I love you.” He nudged Elijah. “Tell them.”

Elijah drew a deep breath and stood up. “I guess you all are kind of wondering why Sean and I wanted this get-together.” He said quietly.

“Not me!” Dom yelped. “I already know!”

Sean threw an ice cube at him.

“Well, I don’t know.” Ian said. “Tell ME, Elijah. Though,” he added, “I don’t see why we need a ‘reason’ to get together, beyond just loving each other.” This drew smiles from everyone.

Elijah looked at Ian’s kind, wise eyes. He felt it would be easiest to tell Ian and let the rest of them just hear it. He trusted Ian. He trusted Gandelf. So he looked into his eyes.

“Sean and I made a decision not long ago that might have an affect on our professional lives AND our personal lives.” Elijah told them. “And since all of you are part of both those lives, we felt we wanted to tell you about it before anything actually happens.”

He looked over at Sean to see how he was doing and got a smile and a ‘thumbs up’ sign from the ‘Hug Puppy’.

“Can we guess, Elijah?” Billy asked.

“KIN WE GISS?” Dom quipped, hugging Billy. “What the hell’s a ‘giss’?

Elijah laughed and Sean heaved another ice cube in Dom’s general direction.

“Can I guess?” Ian asked, quietly.

Elijah nodded.

“Well,” Ian said, leaning toward Elijah with a smile, “since we already know you’re lovers, there’s no news there, is there?”

“That’s only a RUMOR!” Sean protested.

“INCOMING!” Orlando yelled.

Two ice cubes bounced off Sean’s head.

“I’m SO not responsible.” Sean whined.

Several more ice cubes rained down on him.

Elijah was doubled over with laughter, but he had to put a stop to this.

“HEY!” he yelled. “Sir Ian is speaking! QUIET!”

“Yeah!” Dom blustered. “You lot show some respect! Jesus! Disgusting!” He shook his head. “Go ahead, Ian.” He said, waving at him encouragingly. And when everyone turned to look at Ian, he whipped three more ice cubes at Sean.

Ian waited patiently until the chaos had subsided. Then he turned back to look at Elijah. “My guess would be,” he said in his cultivated voice, “that you’re either coming out or moving in together. And, knowing Sean, my money would be on the latter.”

“We’re moving into a house in Malibu this weekend.” Elijah said softly.

“Really?” Billy said. “You’re going to live together?”

“Yep.” Dom said, hugging Billy. “They’re gooing teh leev tehgeether.”

“Oh, stop teasing!” Billy spouted. “You like my accent well enough when it’s whispering in your ear!”

“Ooo!” Sean said. “I’d like that too!”

Elijah turned, mouth open. "Hey, Lij!" Dom yelled. He tossed an ice cube to him and he, in turn, heaved it at Sean. “Hey!” He yelped. “That’s just about enough of that!”

Sean winked at him.

“What has Peter had to say about this?” Viggo asked quietly.

“We haven’t told him yet.” Sean said. “We’ve tried reaching him but he’s been unavailable. He’s calling us tomorrow.”

“Well, I can’t imagine that Peter would have much to say beyond ‘congratulations’.” Viggo said. “And, by the way. Congratulations. I hope you’ll be happy, I truly do.”

“No.” Ian said quietly. “Peter won’t say a word. He’ll be 100% in your corner.” He took another drink of his wine. “But you can bet that the ‘suits’ in the executive wing of New Line Cinema will have PLENTY to say. And Peter has to handle THEM.”

Elijah turned to look at Sean. “And we’ve been all worried about Peter.”

"I'm not really worried about any of it." Sean said, shrugging. "We've decided we're doing this, and we're doing it."

"Sean," Ian said quietly, "may I ask if you've thought though your response should the press ask about your situation? If they discover that you're living with Elijah there are bound to be questions."  
Sean smiled at the older actor. "Elijah's been closer to him," He thought. "but anytime I get around him I feel so much love for him."

Sean scooted over until he and Elijah were both sitting at Ian's feet. He draped his arm around Elijah and gazed up at Ian. "What do YOU think we should say?" Sean asked mildly.

Ian shrugged. "Well, in spite of my reputation as an 'everyone out of the closet' bitch I'm really not in favor of you saying anything at first. Let THEM ask YOU. And be discrete enough that it's not really obvious that you ARE living together." He smiled down at them. "Give yourselves a little time to just enjoy it, even if it means doing things you don't really like, such as using two cars at times, or arriving separately at certain events."

Sean sat silently listening, but Elijah bridled at this last, shaking his head.

"Yes, yes." Ian said, stroking Elijah's hair. "Just so impatient to be a 'couple' aren't you."

Elijah grinned at him.

"Well," Ian said, nodding towards Sean who was gazing at Elijah adoringly, "in case you hadn't noticed. You already ARE."

"Don't be too eager to let the world in on it." He murmured to them. "After you've given yourselves say . . . a year." He shrugged. "You'll know what you want to say to the press without needing me to tell you."

Elijah stood up, leaned over Ian's chair, and hugged him. Then he flopped back to the floor with Sean.

Orlando leaned over and hugged Sean. “I think it’s great.” He said quietly, turning to gaze up at Viggo.

Sean grinned at him. “If Elijah had a bouquet, I’d have him throw it at you.”

Elijah bristled. “And why wouldn’t YOU be the one with the bouquet?” he asked Sean.

Sean shook his head and stared at him. “I need a beer.” He said suddenly. He stood up and walked over to Dom and Billy.

Ian laughed and called after him. “Relax, Sean. You can both have one.”

“A beer?” Sean teased, smiling back at him. He blew Ian a kiss and mouthed: 'Thank you."

Ian smiled in return.

Elijah looked up at Ian. “Coming OUT?” he asked. “You thought SEAN might be coming out?”

Ian shook his head. “No. I didn’t think that for a moment. Besides,” he said quietly to Elijah, “I seriously doubt that Sean is really gay.”

“I think that too.” Elijah said. “He’s not. He’s just . . . I don’t know.”

“He’s Sean.” Ian said fondly. “He’s honest Sean who one day had the effrontery to fall in love with someone of the same gender as he.” He shrugged. “Anyone else would have ignored it, or called it something else, or turned it into anger or some other negative manifestation. But not honest Sean.”

Elijah looked over at Sean, who was laughing while Dom described their house to Orlando and Viggo. “He is honest.” Elijah said in a shaky voice.

“Yes, he is.” Ian said, patting Elijah’s hand.

“Honest and good.” Elijah said, staring at Sean with tears in his eyes.

“Yes.” Ian said. “Honest and good. That, indeed, is Sean.” He looked down at his young friend. “Elijah, are you sure this is what you want?”

“Sean keeps asking me that TOO!” he said, shaking his head. “Ian, he’s ALL I want. He’s BEEN all I want since the day I met him over two years ago. Why won’t anyone believe me? He’d never hurt me!”

“It isn’t you that I’m worried about.” Ian said softly. “Elijah, YOU might be able to survive it if you and he ended badly. You're young and you'd recover." Elijah tried to protest but Ian shook his head. "Oh, yes, yes. I'm sure your heart would be broken. But you WOULD recover."

Ian sighed deeply and looked over at Sean. "But, Elijah, I’m not sure HE would. I ask if you’re sure because I love that honest young man, and I’d very much hate to see him with a broken heart AND a broken spirit. And that is surely what would happen.”

Elijah gaped at him. “Ian, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life than I am of how I feel about Sean. I can’t guarantee how things will go. Neither can he. But I can guarantee that I’m dead, fucking sure that I want this life with him.”

Ian smiled at him. “I suspect that’s as good as it gets.”

The rest of the party went by quickly. Sean and Elijah were surrounded by the best wishes of their closest friends and Elijah left Orlando’s that night wondering what everybody had been so worried about.

When he and Sean finally got home Elijah turned to him. “You were so worried about the fellowship being upset with us!” he scoffed.  
“Well,” Sean said, “that wasn’t the entire fellowship.” He shrugged and grinned at Elijah, feeling his beers. “I don’t care who’s pissed at us. Fuck um all.”

Elijah laughed. “Yeah, but you keep asking me if I’m sure I want to do this, and acting as though the big worry is our careers and how this will affect them. Telling me that everybody else is going to be worried about that too, and NO BODY is worried about that!”

They were in the bedroom and Sean was laying back on the bed trying to work up enough energy to get undressed. “So?” he said to Elijah. “I was wrong. That DOES happen, though I admit it’s rare.”

Elijah sat down on the bed beside him. “Sean, it’s not our careers you’re worried about. I don’t believe for a minute that you keep asking me if I’m sure I want to live with you because you’re afraid I won’t get to do teenage angst movies anymore if we’re discovered.”

Sean eyed him nervously. “I hate it when you spend too much time with Ian. You always end up sounding 21 going on 45. He makes you. . . I dunno. . . WISE or something.”

“Speaking of Ian,” Elijah said, shaking Sean’s arm, “what were you two in such deep conversation about at the party?”

Sean smiled. “I was asking his advise about something.”

Elijah shook his head, refusing to let himself get distracted. “Ian said something to me tonight though that lit a light bulb in my brain.”

“Uh oh.” Sean muttered, winking.

“Shut up.” Elijah said. “Shut up and listen.”

Sean sighed heavily and closed his mouth. Then he pointed at it.

“Fine. Keep it that way.” Elijah told him, grabbing his hand. “Ian asked me, just like YOU have, if I was sure I wanted to do this, and I gave him the same speech I’ve been giving you. Told him I wasn’t afraid of being hurt. But he says to me that he’s not worried about me being hurt. Says I could survive it if we ended badly, but that he doesn’t know if you would. Said it would break your heart and your spirit.”

Sean looked up at him silently. Still the adorable ‘Hug Puppy’.

Elijah leaned toward him. “Is that what you’re afraid of? That if all this ends badly that you’ll be . . . broken somehow? Is that the fear?”

“Broken.” Sean said in a very soft voice. “What a way to put it.”

“Does it fit though?” Elijah asked him quietly. He could tell that Sean had been affected by what he’d just told him. Deeply affected. Sean said nothing and Elijah didn’t push him. He just sat silently and waited. He knew Sean would respond when he was ready. When he’d thought it all out inside him.

“Shit, Elijah.” Sean said finally. “Do we HAVE to talk about this tonight? When I’m half in the bag?”

Elijah smiled at him. “What you mean is: ‘When I’m half drunk and emotionally vulnerable.’”

Sean looked at him and said nothing.

Elijah was silent.

“Yes. That's exactly what I mean.” Sean said finally. He sighed.

Elijah was still silent.

“OK.” Sean said, sitting up next to him in bed. “Yes, I’m afraid I’m going to fail again. The past couple of years have been rough. I’m not sure I could go through all that again. I worry about a lot of things, not the least of which is my mental health.”

 

He looked at Elijah and grimaced. “And that’s one of the main reasons I keep asking if you’re sure you want to do this. It could happen to me too. It’s unlikely at my age, but still possible.”

Elijah scowled at him. “And, gee. I might develop diabetes when I turn 70 just like my granny. You sure you still want me?”

Sean half smiled at him. “OK. I get your point.”

“Right.” Elijah said. “I mean, Jesus, Sean. I know it’s a concern and I don’t take it lightly. But this IS for better or worse isn’t it? And things DO happen to people. I figured we had a: ‘you stand by me and I stand by you’ thing going here. Was I wrong?”

“Elijah, don’t.” Sean said in a shaky voice.

“And as far as the other thing goes, I guess neither one of us gets a guarantee that the other one won’t leave someday. But,” he took Sean’s face in his hands and pulled him into a kiss. “I love you. Truly I do. I just know we won’t end badly.”

Sean kissed him back. “Sweetie, I know you love me. I don’t doubt that for a moment. But . . . and PLEASE don’t yell at me for this . . . you’re young. So young. So much about you will change as you grow older. It’s hard for me not to feel afraid that those feelings will change too.”

Elijah leaned back and looked at him for a long moment and Sean sighed. “You ARE going to yell at me.”

“No.” Elijah said. “I am not going to yell at you.” He was silent for another long moment. “But I AM going to ask you a couple things.”

Sean looked at him. “Go ahead.”

“You went through two grueling years with me doing Lord of the Rings. And we’ve been run through the wringer fairly steadily since then. Right?”

“Right.” Sean could see that Elijah was deadly serious and more than a little angry.

“Right.” Elijah echoed. “Fine. So tell me. In all that time have you EVER known me to behave in an unprofessional manner?”

“No.” Sean said quietly.

“Ever known me to give less than my best?”

“No.”

“Ever known me to show a lack of commitment?”

“Never.”

“Have I ever bitched and whined and complained about my job?”

“No.”

“Have I ever been late without a good reason?”

“No.”

“Have I ever forced my co-workers to carry my load for me?”

“No.”

“Have I ever been unwilling to do what had to be done to get the job done as perfectly as humanly possible.”

“No.” Sean said weakly. He looked up at him pleadingly. “Elijah you can stop now.”

"Jesus!" Elijah said, wheeling away from Sean and banging his fist on the table next to them. "I get so fucking weary of trying to discuss YOUR issues and having it always come back to the problem being how old *I* am!” He wheeled back to Sean.

“Have you ever known me to act superior? Selfish? Arrogant? Spoiled? Mean? Lazy? Full of myself? With some kind of star syndrome? With an attitude of ANY fucking kind?"

Sean lowered his head. “OK!" he said. "Please, Elijah. You can stop now.” he said again.

“Fine.” Elijah said to him, his voice cold with anger. “I’ll stop, though I COULD go on. My point, Sean, is that it might occur to you, college educated guy that you are and someone who supposedly LOVES me, that if I’m capable of demonstrating that kind of maturity for years on end in situations that were NOT exactly stress fucking FREE for me. you might just want to cut me some fucking slack about being capable of making an adult commitment to you and to our life together!

Sean winced as though Elijah had hit him. “OK.” He said softly. “OK. Stop. Please stop.” He dropped his head into his hands. “Stop.”

Elijah saw him wince and duck away and abruptly realized how coldly he had spoken and the kind of affect his anger may have had on Sean. In an instant he was horrified by what he’d done. He knew how deeply Sean had been hurt by his mother’s anger. He couldn’t bear it that he had reopened those terrible wounds, or worse yet, inflicted new ones. “Oh, Sean.” he cried, pulling Sean into his arms. “God, baby. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

Sean clung to him, saying nothing but quaking against him as though he were freezing.

“Sean.” Elijah murmured. “Please forgive me. Please.”

Sean shook his head against Elijah’s shoulder. “I should be asking that of YOU, not the other way around.” He said in a shaky whisper.

He looked up at Elijah. “Every word you said was true. You’ve behaved with adult maturity since the day I met you. More so than people a lot older than you. I’ve been wrong not to see that. I’ve been wrong not to acknowledge it. And, I’m sorry.”

Elijah was kissing his face. Tiny, comforting, baby kisses that were as soft as he could make them. “Please,” he breathed against Sean’s face. “Please believe in me. Please have faith in me. I won’t let you down. I love you.”

Sean nodded. “I do believe in you, sweetie.” He said softly. “I do have faith in you.”

Elijah stopped kissing him long enough to give him a look, and Sean laughed. “OK.” He said contritely. “I DO believe in you, but I need to believe in you more.”

“Yeah.” Elijah breathed. He pulled Sean down until they were side by side on the bed and continued to rain tiny, soft kisses on his face. “Sean.” he whispered. “I love you. My sweet Seanie. God, I’m so sorry.”

Sean wrapped his arms around Elijah’s waist and pulled him close. He’d been shaken by Elijah’s anger. It had been a long time since someone he loved so deeply had spoken to him that way. It awakened menacing feelings inside him that he knew had their source in his childhood.

Most of the time he managed to subdue these feelings or rationalize them away. But the coldness in Elijah’s voice had brought it flooding back. In a moment of absolute lucidity Sean heard the taunting voice of his inner demon: “He’ll leave you. And when he does you’ll lose your mind.”

He pulled Elijah even closer to him. “I don’t believe that.” Sean thought. “I can’t let myself believe that. And I won’t.”

He felt Elijah’s kisses falling gently on his face and focused on that. On how that felt. On the sound of his voice as he murmured soft words of love in Sean’s ear. On the feeling of his hands smoothing Sean’s hair and back. He felt himself relaxing. “I believe this.” He thought.

He leaned back and looked into Elijah’s eyes. “You scared me.” He said quietly. “I’m not good with anger.” Elijah started to speak but Sean held up his hand and stopped him. “But I want you to keep giving me that kind of hard reality check. It helps me feel the real feelings. The raw, nasty ones that I try to avoid. ”

“I help you feel the raw, nasty feelings?" he sighed. "Well, THAT sure sounds like tons of fucking fun.” Elijah said looking at Sean with a gloomy expression.

Sean stopped and the two of them stared at each other. Then they both burst out laughing.

“Ewww!” Elijah teased. “Raw and nasty? Ewww!”

They both laughed again, but Sean shook his head.

“I had no real idea why I was suddenly so irrationally afraid." He said quietly. "This kind of change is a catalyst for things. I was afraid you'd leave me, and when you did, I’d lose it. That it would trigger all that family crap inside me. That I’d get like my mom. I think that’s what Ian might have meant.”

“And I yelled at you!” Elijah moaned softly, feeling miserable.

Sean shook his head. “Stop. I’m glad you did! I needed to see this clearly. I think . . . I think I was already setting it up that your age would be the reason you left. I felt afraid I didn’t deserve you.”

“No.” Elijah said. “You deserve a lot better than me.”

“Well, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. But it’s what I meant.”

Sean threw himself back on the bed. “God, this has been a long fucking day.” He may have been exhausted, but to Elijah, he still looked ravishing.

“You look ravishing.” Elijah told him, leaning over him on his elbow.

“Well don’t even TRY to ravish me.” Sean said. “I’m too exhausted for ravishment tonight. This day has fucked me up in about every way it’s possible.”

Elijah stuck out his lip in a pout and Sean laughed.

“OK.” He said in a sleepy voice. “Go ahead. Far be it from me to deprive you of your fun. Ravish away. If you can get a rise out of me . . . uh, so to speak . . . I’m all yours.”

Elijah grinned the most devilish grin that Sean had ever seen. “Oh my God.” He said, reaching up, laughing, to grab Elijah’s hands that were starting to descend on him. “What do you have in mind anyway?”

Elijah leaned down and kissed him. A soft, sweet, gentle kiss. Sean released his hands and kissed him back. “That was sweet.” He said in the same sleepy voice. “You can keep doing that. Even after I fall asleep. Just keep doing that. I’ll have great dreams and I’ll tell you all about them in the morning.”

Elijah ignored him. He leaned over Sean and pushed his sweater up, exposing Sean’s chest. Then he leaned down and began to kiss and lick him. Slowly, softly, his lips and tongue moved across Sean’s chest while his hand eased down to undo the snap of Sean’s slacks. “Oh don’t mind ME.” Elijah said when he heard Sean’s breath catch in his throat. “I’m just ravishing you. Just go ahead and . . . you know . . . sleep right through it.”

“Lijah.” Sean murmured. “Come on, baby. Please don’t. After all the beer I drank tonight . . .”

“Oh yeah.” Elijah said. “I forgot about that.” He leaned down and ran his tongue over Sean’s left nipple while his thumb gently caressed the right. This didn’t seem enough though, and after inhaling how good Sean smelled Elijah decided that he wanted a taste and nibbled softly on each tender nub.

“Oh . . . ” Sean moaned softly. His breath was suddenly choppy and he arched his back, lifting his chest toward Elijah’s gently caressing mouth and teeth. Sean was losing control of his body's movements. That amazing mouth was torturing him. Licking. Kissing. Biting. Sucking. Sean moaned and reached for him.

“That’s OK, baby.” Elijah teased as his hand slipped under the waist of Sean’s slacks, gently stroking the soft skin of his belly, feeling the muscles under his fingers leap, and hearing Sean’s breath catch again. “You don’t have to pretend to feel something. I know you’re just humoring me. Go to sleep.”

Elijah’s tongue wove a torturous path down Sean’s body. Back and fourth across his chest, and gently . . . oh so gently . . . he licked and kissed the tender flesh of Sean’s belly.

Sean arched to meet each touch, whimpering Elijah’s name and pleading with him to . . . “hurry! oh Lijah . . . oh hurry please.”

Elijah pulled Sean’s slacks down over his hips and threw them to the floor. Then he laid his face against Sean’s leg, kissing and licking the soft skin where his hip meets his body, and running teasing fingers up the inside of his thigh. And then up higher yet . . .

Slowly Elijah’s fingers stroked the hardness of Sean’s cock. He was nearly sobbing himself, but trying to ignore his own need. He wanted this to be for Sean and only Sean. His own pleasure could wait. Sean’s hand clawed at the bed, grabbing the sheet in clenching fingers. “Lijah!” he half screamed while he arched toward the exploring fingers. “Oh . . . oh . . .”

Elijah grasped his straining erection, moving his hand in a gentle rhythm while his seeking tongue gently caresses the inside of Sean’s thighs. Sean’s legs fell open wantonly as his body strained upward, undulating of its own accord seeking Elijah’s hands and mouth.

Unable to bear anymore, Elijah leaned over Sean’s cock and guided it slowly, into his mouth. Both Sean’s hands flew into his hair, not pushing on him, not forcing him, but silently pleading with him, clawing at him, grasping at him with trembling fingers. Sean’s body was taut, muscles quivering violently yearning for release from the agonizing ache of want.

Elijah moved his mouth up and down, taking as much of Sean into him as he could. Then he slid his tongue up and down the hard length, licking, nibbling, teasing.

He looked up at Sean wishing with all his heart that Sean could see him. See what he was doing. He reached up and grabbed Sean's hand and tugged on it. A thrill of passionate bliss spread through his whole body, when he saw Sean's eyes lower to meet his. Elijah drew a harsh, uneven breath. He saw Sean's eyes widen at the sight of Elijah's tongue moving slowly up and down the length of his cock. A sound, half moan, half sob tore from Sean's throat. His hand reached up, wildly seeking something to cling to, and grabbed the headboard of their bed.

Never taking his eyes from Sean's, Elijah took the head of his cock into his mouth and suckled it. Sean could feel Elijah's tongue swirling, moving, licking as he sucked, first gently, then harder. To feel himself being sucked into the hot wetness of that mouth that he adored nearly drove Sean insane. But to see it. To see those full, wet lips wrapped around him was more than Sean could bear. He felt a dizzying explosion of feeling and he arched his hips wildly. Elijah pushed him down and held him fast.

“Oh . . . Lijah. Now. Please. Now. now.”

With a great cry Sean convulsed against him and Elijah took him, swallowing hard and continuing to suck him gently, hands gently caressing his body, hoping the pleasure would be more than Sean had ever felt before.

After only a moment, Sean pulled him up into his arms. Clinging to him, kissing him again and again. Elijah could still feel Sean’s body clenching with spasms of pleasure. He wrapped his arms around Sean’s neck, kissing him deeply, stroking Sean’s tongue with his, licking his mouth. He wanted Sean to taste himself on his mouth and wondered if he did.

Sean finally quieted, his breathing becoming more relaxed and normal. Elijah leaned back and looked at him. “You just pay no attention, baby. I know you’re too drunk and tired to feel it when I ravish you. So just . . . go to sleep and ignore it.”

“OK.” Sean said, laughing and kissing him again. “You win. But, Jesus, you don’t play fair! That mouth of yours! Somebody dead for 6 months would wake up and pay attention if you went after them with that thing. It’s a fucking lethal weapon.”

Elijah laughed delightedly. “Well, aren’t you lucky that it’s all yours!” he said, smiling at Sean.

“I am at that.” Sean said, holding him tight. His hand reached down to caress the front of Elijah’s slacks, feeling the hard erection still waiting there. “Your turn.” He whispered.

“No.” Elijah said, pulling Sean’s hand up and kissing it. “Pull your sweater off and let’s go to sleep. This night is just for you.” He got out of bed and began pulling his clothes off. “And yes,” he said seeing the look on Sean’s face, “I’m sure.”

Sean pulled his sweater off, and Elijah took it and tenderly folded it and laid it on a chair. “This sweater NEVER gets thrown away. You understand?” he said to Sean.

Sean laughed. “Got it. The ‘Hug Puppy’ sweater is sacred.”

Elijah climbed into bed and Sean gathered him close in his arms. “God, you feel so good.” He whispered, stroking his hair and body.

“Sleep now.” Elijah murmured. “Tomorrow we talk to Peter, and the day after that we get the keys.”

“Moving day's almost here.” Sean murmured back.

“Yep.” Elijah said, kissing him gently. “And now I have even more reason to look forward to it.”

He looked up and saw that Sean was smiling. Elijah still felt terrible for talking to Sean the way he did, but it seemed to have helped him move past some of his fears. Or at least understand them. They’d handle the rest as it came up. They’d handle it together.

“We get the keys tomorrow.” Elijah thought with a rush of pure joy. ‘My life ends. Our life starts.”

He drifted off to sleep, wrapped in Sean’s arms.


End file.
